Before I start I need to stress I am no nutritionist or expert and this may not even work, but my motivation is to document my movements and if it pays off put it out there for other people to look at and take a little inspiration from. If it doesn’t I will simply hit the delete button and this never sees the light of day.
A little about me – I am 33 years old I have 2 kids I left my Job in February so I could focus on my health and fitness goals 100%. I also study Health and fitness at City of Glasgow College and am learning more on the aspects of health, which sees me currently doing an HNC in Health and Fitness at 33 years old. This was never in my plan but to move forward and do something you love sometimes you need to sacrifice. I am aiming to go from 5xl T shirt to becoming a qualified personal trainer.
Prior to going back to college I have been on a weight loss journey. I got married 6 years ago and weighed in at 24 stone. I am only 5ft8 and had a up to 54 inch waist and my T shirts were a 5xl at the time I was a walking heart attack and then my wife fell pregnant and our son came along and this is when my mindset started to change.
I am a classic example of the yoyo dieter; I love cakes chocolate and fast food (who doesn’t?) but the key is discipline and consistency. Having kids can have an overwhelming effect on you as a person and for me this made me reflect. For years I fell into a cycle of going out with friends and drinking excessively from the age of 18 to roughly 26, my life was for the weekend I was a bit of an arsehole only really thinking of myself.
It was a case of always having a good time and being with the lads, was I ready to be dad? I don’t know but you need to learn quick as those little people depend on you and it becomes about them now and not you.
It was when my son was born the realisation for me set in I am killing myself with my current lifestyle and really when I sat back and looked at it I wasn’t happy. Sure I had a good family life and work but money never ticked the boxes for me. I needed my health back and decided I needed to start the ball rolling and thinking about how I was going to achieve this.
I decided to start taking more care of myself so I bought a chain driven cross trainer and a sauna suit and this helped me shed the first 4 stone. Before the experts chime in, I’m aware it wasn’t the safest way to lose weight but my argument was 24 stone wasn’t that safe either so I’ll take my chances. This helped me get to under the 20 stone mark which made me more driven and more determined to succeed.
Losing weight is a lonely experience you find you need to pull yourself away from people and I certainly felt this way. Take social media as an example – I found I blocked people or I would delete my Facebook or Twitter accounts more than anyone. People take it personally but for me its isolation. It’s my way of escaping and recharging, naturally I am quite sociable but during this period I am constantly battling a mindset and sometimes I retreat out of the public eye.
With a bad lifestyle comes a series of problems. I felt tired all the time and this simply made me miserable and later on after numerous visits to the doctor I found out I was suffering from depression and anxiety. I felt socially awkward I didn’t want to be around people I was struggling at every turn.
Depression is not something I want to dwell on too much but this word gets thrown around a lot these days and depression for me WAS a living hell. The knowledge people have about this illness is either lacking or its just sheer ignorance. For me I had a rock in my wife and she helped me through this, I was not the easiest person to live with and my behaviour was very erratic from day to day. I’d be happy some days and other days I wouldn’t want to get out of bed; my wife didn’t know which version of me would wake up each morning. I was breaking down in tears for literally no reason and on a day to day basis simply couldn’t function. I couldn’t even bring myself to answer a phone. Some people who I was close to and still am are the ones I confide in. Depression may be horrible but it has taught me serious life lessons showing me I know who I can trust and I know it made me find a stronger version of me on the inside.
Medication for some people is the answer for cure and if I am honest for a while I thought so to, but there was never any real progress it was either a side effect kicks in or it just leaves you feeling numb but for me it was a mindset at the time.
I never ever thought I would feel normal again I literally thought my life was over I thought about crazy stuff my mind was gone, there was no escape but you need to look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself I wont let this illness defeat me and through time and gaining knowledge of how nutrition can effect the body and various other methods such a meditation I began to feel like me again.
Depression is a chemical in balance in the brain which I put down to years of neglect and an excessive party lifestyle it is not sadness it doesn’t just go away my way of describing it is I hear people complaining every Sunday about how they are never drinking again as they lie with a hangover, well I felt like that for 2 years straight it is the same horrible feeling.
I never started to take care of myself until my son was 12 weeks old this is how I time it and judge how far I have came, the first major step I took was to give up alcohol this was not easy and it is the proudest thing I have ever done and I would go as far to say for the first 2 years it was always on my mind although after a while that maybe changed to the odd occasion weddings, Christmas and whatever event came next sometimes rather than drinking if I am having a bad week I generally eat my feelings this has saw me yoyo from a 10 stone loss to be back at 17 and a half stone whilst on my second year of a course I started in health and fitness and wanted to do this to change my life but feel I am letting it pass me by so do I practice what I preach or do I give up.
Knowledge wise I seem to have it, I pass all tests theory based more or less first time but I am my own biggest critic who wants to listen to a fat guy tell them how to look after themselves that is unfortunately the way of the world I am now in May 2017 do I crank this up a gear and go for it or do I accept this is me and go back to a job that makes me miserable and just ticks me over from day-to-day.
The aim of me documenting my journey is if I succeed I want to help people who feel the same and understand this is more of a psychology issue than a training issue it is what we put into our bodies that determines who we are everyone knows that phrase “you are what you eat” well there is a lot of truth to that but it boils down to
How much do you want it ? Are you prepared to work for it ? For me I honestly do not know that answer because this is such a hard hill to get over, everybody wants to look and feel good you can have all the money in the world but if you don’t have your health well you haven’t got shit
on my journey when I’m heavier people patronise you and speak to you as if you do not know what you are doing and it is a feeling of being worthless, but hey newsflash when you are carrying weight form is not so easy but when you start to lose weight all of a sudden people listen and look at you different, speak to you different, this is not a mindset people are judgemental it is a fact even I do it but its something I try not to do but we are all guilty of it.
My aim is to work with people who are just like me and help people, I understand the pain and the cravings but more importantly I understand the loneliness the feeling of isolation and the need for fulfilment.
sometimes you have to be selfish in order to sort out you and this takes time no fad diet will solve all your problems but a lifestyle change is the pathway to happiness.
This thought to document came to me on new years day 2017 and I aim to record my story and share my experience with others
I Started to go for it again on January the 2nd so why not start on January the 1st ? Really who starts a diet on a Sunday 😉 #Alwaysbelieve